If you’ve done any shopping lately at (insert your store here), you’re probably as frustrated as I am. You have your grocery list, forty minutes (which includes drive time), three deadlines at work (due on Friday-it’s Thursday), and suddenly where the canned pumpkin used to be, a herd of wire reindeer sculptures are silently grazing on the cement floor. The aisle where the frozen turkey used to be now offers door swags decorated with shiny red and gold balls next to oversized, artificial Christmas trees.

You want shrimp, flour, walnuts, cranberries and ham, not Christmas decorations.

It’s not even Thanksgiving and these displays have been in stores since early October.

Now that retail America has decided to bombard us with the holidays in October, I suspect you started making your food shopping lists earlier, too.

I know I am, so instead of fighting Christmas in October, I’m going to jump on the “Let’s-cram-Christmas-into-the-month-of-October” bandwagon, too.

Still with me?

First, I want to dish about shopping and preparing seafood for your holiday parties and meals. I’m aware that turkey and ham take center stage and relish trays are a must. And who can make it through a holiday meal without dressing, gravy and Aunt Bea’s sweet potato casserole?

Even with all of these traditional goodies, there is always room for seafood at the table. Trust me, even if you live in the middle of the country and are nowhere near the ocean. Oh wait, that’s where I live now. As I mentioned, trust me on this one.

First, let’s consider a few facts:

1. You want to WOW your family and friends with great tasting food without spending next year’s vacation money.

2. You don’t want to read the entire encyclopedia of “How to prepare and serve fresh seafood without stinking up the house.” If there is such a manual.

3. And lastly, you want to offer your guests something other than a traditional pumpkin roll. (My family is sure to disown me after this statement and I’m guaranteed never to get that recipe now or in the future. In fact, I’m sure my mother is rolling around in her grave). Or how about this tired stand-by: cream cheese log with shrimp cocktail? I don’t care if you mix in goat cheese, too. Just saying…I digress.

If you find yourself in one of the categories mentioned above or you just want me to help you (insert YES), here’s my “How-to shop & serve seafood for the holidays” guide, minus the fishy smell.

Ready. Set. Shop.

~ Buy the freshest seafood available. What? You don’t live near the sea or any body of water? That’s OK. Walk away from the pork aisle. Step out of your comfort zone here. Go ahead, be brave. What’s the worst that can happen? It may be something you’ve never tried before…in your life, like fresh mussels, clams or gasp, a can of sardines. What if your guests don’t love it or even like it, you’re thinking? So what? You’ve gained invaluable experience by shopping and buying something new. I say, “bragging rights.” Besides, I promise, if you like seafood, then you’ll love it and have it all for you!

~ Buy fresh seafood the same day or the day before you’re going to cook it. Don’t buy fresh seafood a week before you’re going to serve it. Its dead fish, and it’s not going to get any fresher. If you buying frozen, then you’re doing OK. Stock up.

~Find an easy-to-prepare dish, like a side of Smoked Salmon or Blue Crab cocktail. DO NOT  attempt The Feast of Seven Fish or Coquilles St-Jacques for the first time on Christmas Eve.

~Discard any and all seafood packaging to the outside garbage can immediately after preparation or re-packaging. Do not leave the plastic wrapper, skin, bones, shells, empty sardine or crab cans in the kitchen garbage can overnight. Please, don’t forget. All the brewed coffee, sizzling bacon, slow baked citrus or simmering cloves will not eliminate this horrendous odor when you open the kitchen garbage can lid the next morning. But go ahead and use one while you’re cooking.

~Buy 4 ounces of seafood per person. Don’t forget to figure the kids in this equation. They may be the ones who admire and love your seafood the best. Hint, hint.

~Have these essential seafood related products in your kitchen for seamless cooking: Canola oil, olive oil, vinegar, whole lemon or lime, coarse sea salt and fresh herbs. Less is more.

~Serve your fresh seafood dishes first. If your peeps don’t like what you offer, there’s always turkey and ham.

~And go ahead and cuss at that herd of deer, they can’t hear you anyway. Just make sure the kids aren’t around.

What’s your favorite holiday seafood recipe? Care to share? Send me the recipe and a picture and I’ll post it later this month.

And of course, your shopping trip would be incomplete if there weren’t a dancing, singing, plastic santa in the cheese aisle. Happy Holidays!